You've been waiting, waiting, waiting.
You've daydreamed about what it will be like the day you "get the call." In your mind, you're full of energy and excitement and have every detail played out in perfect, romantic detail.
Then it happens, you find out your referral is on it's way - the call will come any day - and you feel like you've been hit by a mack truck!
This is a very common reaction. You've been strong, holding it together during the long roller-coaster wait. You really did't have a choice - you had to continue living life, going to work, taking care of your family.
It's like you've been holding your breath, for something like 18 months (or longer).
You know the feeling I'm talking about - when you were a kid, you'd have contests to see who could hold their breath the longest. You'd get light-headed, feel like your lungs were about to explode, your chest hurt, your brain would get all fuzzy, and all you could think about was that first deep breath! The "Ahhhh!" sense of relief that would come!
So, when you learn that your long-awaited referral is on it's way across the ocean - your body, mind, emotions, and spirit decide to let go, and quit "holding it in." Your exhaustion finally takes over and you give out - anxious for that first, deep breath of beautiful oxygen.
This experience is so common among adoptive parents - but often not shared with others, because we believe we have to live up to our long-held fantasy about how we are going to react.
You don't even have your baby's picture yet, the details about who she is, and where she is living - but you know that in a day or two, that package will arrive. The exhaustion, the let-down, the urge to finally let-go and breathe deeply - these physical and emotional needs take over and you fall on the couch stunned, in shock, and wondering what's wrong with you.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing!
You are perfectly normal!
Enjoy this time of recuperation. Your body is longing for some rest, some respite from "holding in the air" and keeping it together for so many months. Go with it. Give yourself the freedom to veg-out and to space-out.
In a day or two, you'll be back on track, the referral will have arrived, and you'll be dreaming again - this time about the day she will actually be in your arms.
