What is the real nature of conflict?
Most think it has to do with one or more individuals trying to get their competing needs met at the same time.
If this is the mindset that individuals start with then attempts to resolve such conflicts in the face of such limitations are bound to fail.
It is my view that it is the "very needs" themselves that are the problem. Let me explain.
When you have a need that "needs to be met" how are you left feeling? Well if you look at the experience closely you will likely notice some or all of the following:
1. Feelings of lack.
2. Feelings of urgency.
3. Feelings of impatience.
4. Feelings of self absorption.
5. Feelings of frustration.
6. Feeling distracted by the need.
7. Feeling uncomfortable either emotionally and/or physically.
8. Feeling tense in your body and "rigid" in your behavior.
9. Feeling “needy”, etc.
Now place two individuals in a room together who are feeling this same way and I think you can guess what will happen.
You see the problem starts even before the two individuals confront each other. They are already "primed" to be set off by the other by the “needy state” they find themselves in.
So what can be done to address this?
Well the answer is to "diffuse" the emotional, mental and behavioral effects of the "needy state" first.
I will give an example of how this can be accomplished here.
Let's look at the usefulness of being in the "needy state".
Some might suggest that it:
1. Helps you get your need met, so that,
2. You will feel fulfilled, satisfied, calm, happy, joyful and at peace.
In other words: (A) The "needy state" makes you feel fulfilled, satisfied, calm, happy, joyful and at peace.
Now does that sound like the experience of "being" in that needy state? Absolutely not!
So is statement (A) true or not? Well I think that you can see that it is false, correct?
If so then simply admit that to yourself now.
Now does the "needy state" itself feel "toxic" to you?
If so then admit that to yourself now.
Now do you want?
a) Statement (A) living inside you?
b) The needy state living inside you?
If not, then from deep within yourself make a request that they both be purged from your body and your life forever.
Now notice how you feel.
I think if you've followed me so far that you feel more able to congenially and calmly address your situation with others now.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Family:-Dealing-With-Conflict&id=137845
